Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i've created a new STD.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
