Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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