Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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