I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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