Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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