Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
