I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Houston, we have a blender
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
