How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So many bounce houses so little time
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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