I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
