did you get engaged???
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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