Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
