just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
its liver damage thursday
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
