At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
