You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I need a burrito and a hug.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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