there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
