I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
