paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
