Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
