I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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