I am spending my child support on dildos
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
