I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Say something about gay babies.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
