I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
