This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So. Much. Porn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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