do herpes really smell.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
