my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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