Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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