just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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