in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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