I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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