I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
