Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
