she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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