Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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