is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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