Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
