There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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