Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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