My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize