he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
