i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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