Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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