i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
