on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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