can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
