you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
