): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
