im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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