You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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