I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
