I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
