Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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