Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
