Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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