fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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