i would one night stand the shit outta him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
