Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
