you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
