I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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