Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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