I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
