Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
