i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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