Just cropdusted the office
is wine microwaveable?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need moral support for this bender
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
