I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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