new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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