see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
