PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
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bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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