wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
