Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
