I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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