that's an acceptable place to lick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
