Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
