how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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