theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
