He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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