Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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